Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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