Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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