you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize