we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
not ubering you a puppy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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