we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
