she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
