Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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