what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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