The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
