I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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