The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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