This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
