His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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