Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Houston, we have a blender
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
