I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
