Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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