So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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