I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
