Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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