I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
