12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
