i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
