he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
