he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
