I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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