You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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