how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
