someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
