just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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