Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
