I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
