Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
