Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
