Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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