well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
