vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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