for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
