I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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