well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
