whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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