We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
