Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
