i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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