you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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