just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
