i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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