You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
