Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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