Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
