Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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