My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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