mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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