I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
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so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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