Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
