Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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