There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
