Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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