You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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