you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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