So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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