yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
