Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
