Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
