i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
