I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize