The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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