I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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