Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish you could order shots online.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
